{Originally published on okay. fine. dammit.}

I can’t explain to my family why I’m so sad today; there’s no way they would understand. The only people who will get it are you, you out there, and so I’ve come to this space to add my liquid prayer to your ocean of empathy, to set it a-sail, to hope it reaches its rightful owner.

I mean, what can I say to my husband? That a “friend’s” 17-month-old daughter died unexpectedly? Because we’re not really friends, right? I’ve never met the Spohr’s.

But I know their names as solidly as I know anyone’s in my “real life.” More than that, so much more than that, I know that sweet baby girl’s face. How many times have I scrolled over it in my Reader, my own daughters screaming, “Stop!” My four-year-old smacking her warm palm down on my mouse-hand, saying, “Wait! Go back! Show me dat cute giwl again. I know her! Who is that, mommy? I know her!”

Because they saw that face a time or two on this computer, and it was the kind of face you can’t forget. It was the kind of face that triggered on instant grin on my own. How many times did I lean across the couch to my husband, giggle, and show him that face? Watch his own smile break like a wave?

Still. I am here, on spring break, shuffling through the sand a bit slower, hanging back, healthy and blessed and happy and yet, not. Hugging my girls a bit tighter, answering their questions a beat or two late, distracted. Grief-stricken.

How do we explain to the rest of the world how well we have come to know each other, all of us here? So that if one of us suffers an unfathomable loss we feel it like our own gut-punch? Who is that, mommy? I know her!

I know her too, baby.

I’m shocked. I’m sad. And I’m so, so sorry.

May she light up heaven the way she lit up earth.

***

In lieu of flowers, the Spohr’s have asked that donations be made to the March of Dimes in Maddie’s name. The link is here.

Editor’s Pick by Angella from Dutch Blitz:  I was already a distracted weepy mess since hearing about Heather’s loss, and Maggie’s post hit me in the heart. The way that this community has pulled together for Maddie Spohr is beyond inspiring.  You can see the rest of Maggie’s posts here.

Read the original post here and subscribe to Maggie here.

Maddie Spohr passed away on April 7, 2009. Maddie’s mom’s blog, The Spohrs Are Multiplying, may be up and down this week due to high traffic demands. Fellow bloggers are helping to stabilize the site, but keep checking back.

In lieu of flowers, the Spohrs ask that you please show your support by donating to the March of Dimes.  You may also support the family directly via PayPal sent to the email address: formaddie@hotmomreviews.com